the scary thought

i was going to write about this in my previous entry, but figured it was going to be too long..so what's my scary thought? after watching that movie, i was trying to fall asleep..and was about too..when i felt my baby turning in my stomach..and that feeling led me to the night when i was in the labor room, about to give birth to my first baby. the thought of me going through labor again kept me awake for a good 40 minutes...and the thought that i am planning to have 4 kids kept me for another 20 minutes..then i started to remember every little detail of that fateful night on the 12th of February 2004...

11 pm: amin and i were in our rented house and i was wondering when am i going to feel anything..(i was told by my doctor that i was going to go in labor that night)..still no feeling..but i had some signs..(not the water break kind of sign...just some spots..)

11.30 pm: we went over to my parents-in-law's place and just hang around in the kitchen..and suddenly i felt something..(i thought this must be a contraction...i was not sure how a contraction felt like since it's my first time!) so i looked at my watch and noticed that the contraction came every 10 minutes...i was sitting alone in the living room..and my father-in-law came to me and asked me if it was time...i just nodded and tears started falling down my cheeks..

12 am: amin and i went to the hospital to check me in..(hoo hoo..sounds like checking into a hotel..NOT!)

12.30 am: a nurse came by and checked if i was dilated yet...and she said i'm only 2cm..i need to be 10cm before i could deliver and the rate of it widening is at 1 cm/hr. the doctor was said we can either go back and sleep or just hang around in the hospital as he expected me to give birth only at 8 am the next morning. i decided to stay..as the contraction was coming on stronger..

2 am: i changed into the hospital robe (more like a piece of square piece of cloth) and was given a pill to "take care" of my bowel.

2.30 am: frequented the bathroom every 10 minutes as i thought i had to do number 2. at this point, amin was sleepy and tried various spots to sleep including the cold floor in the labor room, under the stairs of the hospital (which he complained too many mosquitos) and in the car...even though i didn't have the energy to make any conversation with him and was too busy making my visits to the toilet, the sight of him around gives me great comfort..at last...i was feeling sorry for him and told him he could go back first and get some rest and i'll call him when anything happens...

3.00 am: i was strapped down on the labor bed with the annoying baby heart monitor thingy on my stomach. since it's 3 am...i was naturally feeling sleepy but could hardly sleep as the contraction was now coming every 5 minutes...and i was not allowed to sleep on my side as this would stop the baby heart monitor from hearing the baby's heartbeat. so i had to sleep staight on my back and every time the contraction came, i would cringe..in the labor room, it was just me, and some machines...and every now and then a nurse would pop by..

6.00 am (from 3.00 am- 6.00am i think i managed to catch some sleep but with a lottt of waking up in between) : the nurse said i should call amin now as i was almost 8cm..and the pain...oh my god...was undescribable..i remember at this time, the nurse had introduced to me a device that would help ease my pain a little: the laughing gas..she said to use it only when i feel the contraction is very strong..but it became my best friend and i held it to my nose every time i had the contraction..which was not advisable..as you tend to go a bit cuckoo if you inhaled too much..but i didn't care i just needed something to sooth me down..

6.15 am: amin was back in the picture and he brought some kind of water that was supposed to facilitate the process of giving birth. i now had his hand to squeeze for the contractions :) and boy did i squeeze his hand!

from 6.30 am - 10 am: i just had a lot of contractions and still not fully dilated..and i was beat!..just needed to sleep..

10 am: this was the time the doctor put on his plastic robe (like a fishmonger) and boots and placed himself at the receiving end. i was fully dilated and i began pushing..i was trying to use the breathing technique form the pre-natal class, but i dunno..i think when you're in that kind of situation..you just have to DO whatever you can to adapt..after pushing for the first time, there was no sign of the baby's head..and after the second try, still no sign...everybody in the room, the doctor, the nurses, amin all shouted "Push!!!" and i did...but i guess my push wasn't good enough because i was tired from not being able to sleep..and all the energy i had before was totally drained out..so after a few unsuccessful pushes..the doctor said he could help me..with a forcep..but i had to make another push..oh noooooo..not another one..

10.43 am: my last push and with the help of a forcep and with Allah's grace, i felt a warm thing gushing out of me and saw my baby for the very first time when they put him on my chest. he was purple...as the poor thing had to wait a looong time in there to get out..because mommy couldn't push hard enough..his eyes were closed..he didn't cry..his skin was crinkly and pruny..and he felt warm..the doctor gave amin the scissors and he did the honors of cutting the umbilical cord of our first born..they then took nazim out of the room to wash him up..amin followed them and cited the azan in his ears..

and just like any mothers would say...the pain just goes away the minute the baby is born...and with that thought in mind..i was feeling less scared and managed to go to sleep...inshaAllah, this time around, it would be easier...



Nazim 1 day old..













...and two months later..